Source of Fear #1: My under-played, interesting, perfectly-tempoed song had apparently caught the ears of some very talented dancers. At Lindy Focus, Juan and Kevin did a fantastic Strutting routine to the very same song. WAIT!! Don't go look it up! If you haven't seen it yet, wait until after you've seen mine. Look it up on Monday. I can't follow that act! I decided to stick with my guns (and song), though. While following Kevin's choreographic interpretation of a song is pretty terrifying, I totally believe that this song is the right one to use for this choreography. And these ladies are not only bewitchingly beautiful, they're also charismatic. Which means watching them perform is delightful- to say nothing of their mad dancing skills. So I have faith in the song, and faith in my performers, which means that I'll have to override any lack of faith in myself.
Source of Fear #2: My dancers don't live within a hundred miles- of me, or each other. Representing the NE this weekend, we'll have Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, Baltimore, and Rochester. This has made rehearsing a little tricky, to say the least. We had one weekend when we were all in the same city, but since I'm a slow learner, I thought we'd be able to make a decent amount of rehearsal time. Fortunately, we live in a time of cheap and easy... technology (you thought I was going to make a joke about your mom, didn't you?). I used a google document to make a spreadsheet of the choreography itself. Then, over the course of several afternoons, 37 additions to my playcount, and several shots of scotch (that's not actually true), I filmed each section of the choreography for each dancer. Needless to say, I know everyone else's parts...
Source of Fear #3: The real deal. There's a great deal of vulnerability in art, and while this piece is not exactly a statement on the human condition (if you're happy and you know it clap your hands?), it's nevertheless a submitted, prepared piece. If you guys don't agree with my kinesthetic opinion of this song, there's no blaming it on a conversational mishap- no siree. This isn't raising your hand in class- this is submitting your thesis!
The good news: Proportion. Ok, this isn't a thesis. It's more like a 10-page paper in a class with the "writing intensive" label on it. If the choreography turns out to be boring, or weird, or generally unpleasant, it's just another weak choreography, and there will be others. And, more importantly, it's a chance to watch 5 ladies doing silly things on a stage. How bad can it possibly be? And that's the real issue- that's what keeps me from turning into someone who lives in their mom's basement and never goes out for fear of embarrassing herself. An embarrassment is simply a moment. A more or less forgettable moment. Chances of great success are slim, chances of moderate success are very high, chances of epic failure are practically none.
So while there are some very real reasons for reservation, logic tells me that fear here should be totally overridden. Maybe the choreography will be great, maybe not- either way, the world won't end.
Who knows- maybe I'll start tackling other irrational fears next- pronouncing foreign words in front of knowledgeable people, singing when sober, starting a conversation with a stranger, or even asking a balboa rockstar to dance (yes, that's a fear of mine. Someday I'll finish that blog post... ). At the end of the day, fear has a useful biological function, but logic should decide whether the fear is justified. So look out, stage, here I come!