Welcome, and Good Luck!- from Archives, March 10

People tell me, from time to time, that I need to actually write in my blog; they're right. I often consider that maybe if I didn't spend so much time chewing my thoughts over and over, that there'd me more left than mush when I finally consider writing them down. I had grandiose ideas when I set up this blog- it was supposed to be full of wit and wisdom... or at least not be all about dance, like everything else I do. The reason there's only one entry? Probably because I set my standards to high. It's hard to live up to anything grand. So starting today, I'll try and just blog.

Moving has left me with a lot of thoughts, but I question whether that warrants a blog. To be honest, for someone who moves as much as I do, I'm not especially good at it. I mean yes, I'm good at packing- secret #1: don't get attached to your stuff. You can do without most of it. And I'm good at finding out what there is in a city, and where to find people- secret #2: google, and google maps, are the source of all things informed. And sure- I'm even good at getting around in cities I've never been to- see again secret #2.

But the hardest part about moving isn't identifying roads or attending dances. The hardest part about moving is feeling at home. For me, that means making myself a part of the community. It means finding someone I can call at the end of a rough day, and saying, "Hey, come over- let's do nothing together." There are countless groups of nice people that are easy to find in any given city... and yet, there's something else that has to happen- something hardly short of mystical. And the more I talk to other people, the more I feel this is a large pattern. So why?

Sometimes I think it has to do with history, and that the reason frequent movers feel alienated is that they don't have the chance to build a past with someone. It's hard not to feel close to the people who've seen you through your best haircuts and worst relationships. That's cetainly part of it. There may be more to it, though. (warning: this will look like a tangent. Stick with me.)

I read in a book once (TheGeneral Theory of Love) that the value of therapy isn't actually anything the therapist has to say. It's not a matter of telling someone who suffers from some intangible ailment how to see the world rightly. It is, as it turns out, the act of bonding with someone. To enter into a state of limbic resonance with someone more psychologically healthy than you is to learn from them on a subconscious level. The act of forging a bond is the medicine.

I read also that people suffering from emotion are, in a sense, emotionally blind. That is to say, someone who is severely depressed can't look at someone's face and see affection, sarcasm, humor, or irritation. They hear the words, but miss the connotations. This means that acheiving limbic resonance becomes incredibly difficult; the patient loses access the their best chance of healing. (This is why medication + therapy is often the best solution for patients suffering from depression).

So, if someone who is depressed needs to feel accepted and loved, and cannot read acceptance or love... you get the idea.

Perhaps, on a much reduced level, those who are in a state of upheaval suffer a similar situation. Even moves to cities where people already have friends can be shockingly traumatic. Once enough time has passed, the shock wears off, habit sets in, and the limbic brain restores the emotional and social order we pack animals need so very badly. Bonding follows, and voila- you've made yourself a home.

So the next time you move, schedule in some cushioning: plan to call friends, schedule visits, get involved in multiple social circles in your new city, and- most of all- remember that with time and the right group of people, you'll find yourself an indispensible member of the community.

Cheers,
-m.