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Protips for Poverty (Or, How to Travel All the Time and Not Die)

9/9/2011

42 Comments

 
As most of you probably know already, I walk on the wild side; I live on the edge; I laugh in the face of danger!  All of which refers not to my bravery, but my destitution (to to be confused with other -stitutions, which would make me not poor).  Since people often ask me advice on becoming a full time dance teacher, I thought I'd write some of my top tips for being desperately poor, or traveling for really-really cheap- so those of you who are just totally addicted can also reap the benefit of my extensive knowledge.  (And, I'm humble!)

1. This Is My Health Care Provider.  No really- many self-employed, unemployed, or under-empoyed peeps will tell you that being without health insurance is scary as heck.  However, if you do get sick, and don't want to declare bankruptcy just yet, simply find yourself a free health clinic.  Protip one: take a friend- it will not be in a nice neighborhood.  Protip two: take a book- there's a good possibility that you'll need to wait for quite a while before being seen.  But in some places (like CA), you'll get a free or discounted visit, and even free meds, if you need them.  
Picture
2.  These things are better than caffeine on the road.  No, really!  Expensive coffee that's full of sugar is not a good thing- these guys are between a buck and a buck-fiddy, and are spicy enough to wake you up.  Plus, what's cuter than being a good co-pilot, and feeding your driver pretzel bits?  Not that I go for that, or anything.  Plus, you can finish them the next day, share them with friends, and shake them without wearing them.  Awe. Some.

3. If you're going to have to get a shuttle to/from the airport, it is often cheaper to get a rental car- under a few conditions.  First, you must already have good insurance, so you can decline theirs.  Two, get a small car that will not be a guzzler.  Three, wait until the last minute, do a name-your-own price, and try $12/day.  Yes, really.  There will be a boatload of fees tacked on, but if your visit is quick, and especially if you can find a coupon, it might be a better option than the $35-$40 you'll often pay for a one-way shuttle when public transit won't do you right.  And if you can split it, then (obviously) it's even cheaper yet.  

4. Burger King has a legitimate vegetarian option: an actual veggie burger.  Taco bell also has veggie options.  Also, burritos.  Otherise, vegetarians go hungry, and get grumpy, and slowly start considering homicide.  That's all I need to say about that, right?

5.  MEGABUS!  (Or BoltBus).  Travel by bus has a reputation for being slow, sketchy, and expensive- and all three of those stereotypes apply to Greyhound.  I'm not bitter, but I am blunt.  However, neither Megabus nor Boltbus is overpriced, full of scary (possibly insane) people, or prone to running on time.  So if you have a 3-hour window before you need to be somewhere, busing can be cheaper than the cost of gas, especially if you're planning far in advance.  

6. If you must travel by plane, pick a favorite airline, and have a little loyalty.  Your miles will add up far too slowly to get used if you rotate between 7 different airlines.  But if you're flying the same airline all the time, and you're flying a round-trip per month, that can do you some good lickety-split (or maybe lickety-sundae?).  

7. If you must travel by plane, buy your tickets so that your travel is flexible, and volunteer to be bumped.  What do I mean, exaclty?  Simple: airlines will oversell their planes, so that when (not if) people don't show up, they still fly with a full plane.  If more people show up than they'd hoped, they ask for volunteers to get bumped to a different flight, and give those volunteers a new booking, plus compensation.  You can get all sorts of vouchers in exchange for a slight inconvenience.  Protip 1: Evening flights seem to have the best shot of overselling.  Protip 2: Don't check a bag.  It costs you more money, and might get lost when you get bumped.

8. Take me with you!  Food you can make at any host's house, that can sit in your car for 12 hours before you get there: 
-Can of Tuna, ziploc of rice, with seasoning salt added.  Rice and tuna is delicious, salty, and stupidly cheap.
-Raman- not as good as you'd think, because it's very low in protein.  But it is salty, delicious, and cheap.
-Bread, peanut butter, bananas, honey, marshamallow fluff: ok, pick one of the sweet things.  Proteiny goodness.
-Really hard cheese, and a loaf of tasty, hearty bread.  Soft cheeses will go bad pretty fast, but hard cheeses are tough.
-Liquor!  Despite what your instructors may imply, you can't actually live off liquor.  Don't try.
-Clif bars- all flavors.  They go on sale occasionally for $1.  Stock up.  Protein and fiber.  

9. Goodwill and Ebay are your friends.  Yes, you will wear out your clothes, leave a trail of lost (never heard-from again) items, and your wardrobe will shrink alarmingly.  Dancing like a maniac is rough on your clothing collection, but thrift stores and ebay are awesome.  Note:  "vintage" shops and consignment stores are not thrift stores.  To count, you must dig though heaps of slightly questionable material to find a great pear of jeans for $6, or a dress or $3.99.  $25 is not appropriate for the impoverished.  If you can pay $60 for an item, leave this blog immediately.  (Ok, you can stay...)

10. Gas Buddy is your... well.. buddy.  You can map out prices using the heat map, to determine whether you should fill-er-up in New Jersy, Pennsylvania, or New York.  You can also search for the cheapest gas close to where you are now.  Also, you should report gas prices- help other travelers looking to short-change the oil companies, eh?

Ok!  If that doesn't save you some cash... then you're probably poorer than me.  Come over, and I'll make you a sandwich.  No, really! 

If that did help, then yay!  Less money on unnecessary things like food, clothing, and shelter means more money for the important things... like private lessons.

Love,
-Mike
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11/14/2011 01:02:07 am

I kinda love this post. Everything in it is true. Though I have to add that, while hard cheese doesn't go bad, it can get kinda pungent after a while. Also, being able to do laundry at a friend's or family member's house helps a lot!

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11/14/2011 02:46:53 pm

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What I do is bring canned good "meals." For instance, ravioli or clam chowder. These are about a dollar and I get full off of one of them. Instead of paying $5 for one meal at Burger King, I can pay $5 for about 5 meals. Luckily for me, I worked at a Boy Scout camp for 8 years and have no problem eating anything given to me. This is not for the picky since I often eat my meals at room temperature, out of the can, and with haste.

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